Why is it the stuff that’s good for you makes you so miserable?

After this past weekend, I resolved to improve myself. I started this past Monday. It’s Wednesday, and I’m already feeling sorry for myself.

This is a wonderful sign, methinks.

Last week, I went to Oklahoma City to get our new location onto our company network. While there, I once again met up with Jeff and Malinda; on the Friday night, we picked up barbecue and went back to their house to play some Talisman. While at their house, Jeff fired up the VCR, and to my surprise, it was playing a recording Jeff once had done of a session we did of one of his LARP campaigns. The tape mostly showed Jeff, Malinda (who was shocked by the amount of makeup she had on), and our friend Mikey (who tended to make these sessions hysterically funny with his one-liners). I wasn’t in the tape for more than 60 seconds (as my character was off elsewhere doing something else… long story), but when I did appear I felt a bit shocked and humiliated.

I was relatively slim back then. I was a bit overweight, yes, but nothing like I was now. I saw a reflection of myself… and I felt terrible about it. So, I gave up and resolved to do something about it.

First thing Monday morning, I weighed myself. I was rather mortified to learn that I weighed 258 pounds. From there, I started on a regiment. My goal is to lose either 60 pounds or six inches off my waist by the end of the year, and try to keep at around that size from then on.

Monday through Friday, when I wake up in the morning, I spend ten minutes or so working out with a couple of handheld weights. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, in the evening, I break out the Playstation 2, dance pad, and my copy of DDR Max 2, and spend about thirty minutes in workout mode. I can handle all of that with no problem.

My problem is that I love food, and I’m having to seriously change my eating habits. Normally when I go to lunch or dinner, I’d get something like a burger, or pasta, or pizza. Now I’m finding myself eating small sandwiches (like 6″ Subway subs), salads with minimal dressing, or just stuff like baked chicken with cabbage and green beans (my lunch today). Beer is right out, as are margaritas. I’ve also cut out most soda, limiting myself to one Diet Coke a day. As a result, I find myself just staring at my food for about half a minute, pining for a juicy burger or maybe a decent plate of pasta. I then dig in, knowing intellectually that this will make my body healthier, but still wishing I could have that damn burger.

About the only saving grace that I see coming is the fact that I’m allotting myself one splurge meal a week. I’ll have that burger, and maybe even a dessert. (No fries, though.) I know for a fact that if I stay on this regiment without ANY break, I’ll end up breaking it simply because I can’t take it anymore. My scheduled splurge night is Saturday; it’s Wednesday night, but Saturday still seems like a ways off. Here’s hoping time flies.

Ah, well… enough griping and moaning from me. I’m just hoping I do make my goal, and end up healthier for it. Ten months seems like a lot of time, but in a way, it’s like no time at all these days. I just hope it’s all worth it.

One thought on “Why is it the stuff that’s good for you makes you so miserable?

  1. It’s always worth it. Jonathan started a “diet” too and of course he has almost hit his goal. It sucks for me, because it’s harder for me and I’ve only dropped the 3 pounds. I’m rooting for you though!

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